


Mandate

by zsomeone



Category: Metalocalypse
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-16
Updated: 2013-10-05
Packaged: 2018-03-17 00:48:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3508952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zsomeone/pseuds/zsomeone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathan considers the idea of dating a man, and tries to see how the others feel about it.<br/>Yes the title is kind of a bad pun, but that’s what my brain insists on calling it.</p><p>Not tagging the eventual pairing so it'll be a surprise when you get there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Charles

**Author's Note:**

> First, the legal side of things.

Charles was having an average day, for him. No tour at the moment, no really important lawsuits, just the usual daily business of handling the empire that was Dethklok.   
It was still a lot of work, that never changed, but it was a pretty ordinary day in his office.  
Until there was a knock at the door. “Come in.”

When Nathan walked into his office and sat quietly, Charles knew he wasn’t going to get any more work done anytime soon. Barging in yelling impossible demands, that was the norm, but this was something different. This was something that was going to take time.  
Quickly finding a stopping place, Charles then closed his laptop and set it aside. “Yes, Nathan?”

Nathan continued to sit quietly, staring in the general direction of the floor. Just sitting there. He appeared to be sober, of close enough to count. He didn’t seem to be injured in any way.   
“Nathan?” Charles snapped his fingers, causing Nathan to finally look up. “What can I help you with?”  
“Uh.... I need legal advice?”

That was never good! Charles automatically started trying to think of anything the boys might have gotten themselves into lately. “Regarding what exactly? What did you do?”  
“I didn’t do anything! I mean, not yet.” Nathan slumped further in his chair with a grunt. “I was just thinking about... doing something.”  
“What sort of something?”

Nathan sighed. “I was... thinking about dating. Again, I mean. But like... not the same kind of dating?”  
That wasn’t enough to go on. “Different how?”  
“I don’t know if I wanna say!”  
“Nathan, you came to me for advice. I can’t give you advice unless I understand what you’re asking of me.”

“What if... What if... ARGHH, I CAN’T SAY IT!”  
“Calm down, deep breath.... Good. I’m not going to judge you, Nathan. Just tell me.”  
“Okay... I was thinking what if... um, what if I dated a guy?” He cringed a bit when he said it, like he expected top be swatted with a rolled newspaper or something.

Charles was relieved, even though this might cause some PR issues. With Dethklok he’d learned to always expect the worst, and they usually delivered. “Well for starters, he wouldn’t need to sign a paternity waver.”  
“He wouldn’t?”  
“No, Nathan.” They could be so dumb sometimes, it was still amazing after all these years. “If you’re both male, nobody can get pregnant. He would still be required to pass the STD screening though.”

“Oh. Yeah, I hadn’t thought about that part. The, you know, pregnant part. That’s good. So you’re saying that it’s cool if I date a guy? I mean, if I decided to try it?”  
“Legally it’s fine, yes, as long as they’re of legal age. A minor would be unacceptable. Do you have someone in particular in mind?”   
“Maybe? Kinda, but I’m still thinking about it?”

There might be a few issues, depending on who the person was, but Charles was confident that he could handle whatever might be necessary. “Is that all, or do you need help with anything else today?”  
“But what it’s it’s not metal?”  
“Well Nathan, you’ve said that you would make everything metal. I don’t see why this would be any different.”

“What if the other guys say I’m not metal anymore? What if they kick me out of the band?!”  
Charles massaged his temples, it was _always_ something. “Nathan, you’re the voice of Dethklok. It wouldn’t be Dethklok without you. I think it’s safe to say they won’t kick you out.”  
“Wait, you _think_? That means it’s possible?!”  
“If necessary, I’m sure I can persuade Facebones to explain it to them.”

“You can talk to Facebones? That’s so cool! I wanna talk to him!”  
“I’s sorry, Nathan, but I’m the only one he’ll talk to. But he would do it if I asked him nicely.”  
“Uh, maybe? Sucks I can’t talk to him though, I’ve always wanted to. Wait, why do you think they’ll be okay with it?”

“Well, gay marriage has been legal in Sweden and Norway for some time, so Skwisgaar and Toki probably wouldn’t care. And I can’t see Pickles really objecting. Murderface likely will, but there’s really nothing he can do about it.”  
“Huh, I didn’t know that. About their countries, I mean.”  
“Now you do.”

“Now I do. Promise you won’t tell anybody yet? Just in case?”  
“Your secret is safe with me.”  
Nathan stared out the window. “I’m still thinking about this. If I’m going to do it, I mean. I might not.”

“Well that’s your decision. If I can help you with anything else, let me know.”  
“But what if I do it, then don’t like it, but everybody thinks I’m gay forever?”  
“Nathan, as long as you like women then you’re not gay, that’s not how it works. You might be bisexual at best, but you’re not gay.”

“Uh, I’m going to go _not_ be gay somewhere else now.”  
“Okay, you do that.”  
“I will! Uh, I’m leaving now.” And with that, Nathan left the office.

Well that actually hadn’t taken nearly as long as he’d anticipated. Charles opened his laptop back up to resume working.  
He might still have a PR mess on his hands, but he’d worry about that if it happened. Nathan, dating a guy? Sometimes they still managed to surprise him.  
Charles went back to his work.


	2. Pickles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pickles got around in the 80's, he might have advice, or at least might be cool with the idea.

Pickles was lying on his bed in only his underwear, watching infomercials. Not because he was at all interested in the products being sold, but because he’d absently carried his remote into the bathroom and forgotten it on the counter. So far he hadn’t cared enough to get up and got get it.  
He was in no danger of ordering anything though, because he’d also misplaced his dethphone. Again.

Nathan knocked on the door and then stuck his head in without waiting. “Hey Pickles? Can I ask you about something?”  
“Sure, cahm on in.” A welcome distraction from... whatever the fuck that even was that they were selling. He really hadn’t been paying all that much attention.  
Nathan did, closing the door and then sitting on the bed, looking oddly nervous.

“Dood, what’s on yer mind?”  
“When we all went to Snakes N’ Barrels and we were walking around and you told us that story about some guy blowing you in an alley or something, and then you said you were kidding, you weren’t really kidding, were you?”  
“Okaaaaay.” Pickles pushed himself up, caught off guard by the subject matter. “I think I need pants fer this conversation.”

He hopped off the bed and found some on the floor, balancing and pulling them on. Since he was up, he walked into the bathroom and retrieved the remote, turning off the tv. As an afterthought, he scooped a shirt up with his foot, pulling that on too. Dressed, he sat on the bed and wondered if he should tell the truth or not.  
“Pickles, I need to know this.” Nathan looked so serious.  
Pickles sighed. “Fine, no, I wasn’t kidding.”

“That’s awesome! I mean, I wanted to ask you about something and... So you’ve dated guys? Or a guy?”  
He had no idea why Nathan would find it awesome, but at least he wasn’t reacting negatively. That made him feel more comfortable answering these questions. “I dunno why the feck yer asking about this crap, but yeah, okay? But all thet was a rally long time ago.”  
“I’ve been thinking about it. A lot.”

Pickles raised an eyebrow and tried to sort that one out. “You’ve been thinking about me dating doods? Thet’s pretty fecked up there, Chief.”  
“No! I mean, no, not really. The thinking about you part, not really. I meant I was thinking about dating a guy. There I said it!”  
“Heh, so yer looking fer an expert opinion.” Pickles smirked, feeling useful now that he understood what was going on here.

“Yeah! So tell me, how is it? Is it weird?”  
Pickles straightened up and assumed what he considered a teaching pose. Too bad he didn’t have any flash cards. “Alreet, well the first thing you need to remember is there’s no such thing as too much lube.”  
“Whoa! I wasn’t even thinking about that! Do you ave to start there?” 

Oops? “I thought we were jest talking about sex here, you mean you want to rally _date_ a guy? Bring ‘em flowers an’ shit?” Didn’t they have this conversation with Toki? Well that was about chicks, but still.  
“Do guys like flowers? I didn’t think of that. I don’t think I’d like flowers.”  
“Nah, I was jest fecking with you, most guys don’t want flowers any more than you do.”

“I don’t even know how to ask a guy out!” Nathan lay back on Pickles’ bed, scowling up at the ceiling.  
“Heh, can’t help you there, they always picked me up. You know, sahm guy’d jest walk up behind me, grab my crotch an’ tell me I was hot shit. I’d look ‘em over an’ if I liked what I saw, it was on.” It felt pretty weird to be discussing these things with Nathan, but he’d asked. And so far, he seemed cool with it.  
“Then what? How did it work?”

“Weeeell, then we’d hurry off to wherever, a backstage room if we had one, or the bus, or a motel if we’d gotten rooms, an’ do a bunch of drugs and fuck like bunnies. Pretty much.”  
“So it was just sex?” He looked disappointed.  
“Most of the time.” Pickles had to think back, he’d been such a little shit back then. “A couple guys, they kinda wanted to date me fer real, but I never rally gave ‘em a chance.”

“Why not? Didn’t you like them?”  
“Nathan, I lived fer sex, drugs, an’ rock n’ roll. There wasn’t any room in my life fer a boyfriend or girlfriend. Love ‘em an’ leave ‘em, live fast an’ die young. Thet’s how it was back then.”  
“Uh, you forgot to die?”

“Heh. Yeah, dood, I guess I kinda did. But thet’s life, doesn’t always go like you think it will.”  
“I mean, I’m glad you’re not dead, that’s not what I- Ugh!”  
Pickles found that funny. “Don’t worry, I gat what you mean. Anything else you wanna ask me?”

“Uh, no, not that I can think of right now. Promise you won’t tell anybody I asked you this shit?”  
“Yeah, no prahblem.” Pickles waved off the concern.  
“I’m gonna go now.” Nathan got up and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Pickles lay back, not bothering to take his clothes back off. So Nathan wanted to date some guy, that would be interesting.  
Were they going to start letting male fans in now? Or did he have a certain person in mind?  
It was funny how no matter how well you thought you knew somebody, some days you wondered if you ever really knew them at all.


	3. Skwisgaar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skwisgaar fucks anything, right? Right?  
> I expected Skwisgaar to be an easy one, but sometimes he just refuses to cooperate with me.

Skwisgaar had just finished re-recording some tracks (mostly Murderface’s tonight) and Knubbler had already gone. Instead of leaving himself, he decided to work on writing some new parts while he was in the mood for it. He settled on the couch, not bothering with an amp and picking away with all his usual speed.  
Trying different things, he tried to work out exactly what tone he wanted to give the new songs.

He was making some progress, but would have to get with Nathan and Pickles before any of it was final.  
Like this one part, if they slowed it down just a _little_ in the middle here, it would take on a darker and almost menacing sound. Yeah, he definitely had to show them this one.  
He was surprised when Nathan walked in and came to sit on the couch with him.

“Hey, Skwisgaar? I want to talk to you about something... really personal?”  
Well Nathan wasn’t here to write music, that was clear. Skwisgaar set his guitar aside, all that could wait. “If dis ams abouts de size of mine penis, I knows you has seen it befores.”  
“No! I’m not talking about your dick! Why are you talking about your dick?”  
“Oh I don’ts know, maybe because it tends to come ups in conversations?”

“Is that a joke? Did you just make a dick joke?”  
“Maybies! So what ams you wantsing to asks me den?” He couldn’t help laughing a little at Nathan’s obvious discomfort.  
“I dunno if I want to ask you anymore.” He frowned hard, almost sulking.  
“Sorries, sorries. Jus’ says it. You bothers to finds me, must be inportants.”

Nathan took a deep breath. “Skwisgaar, have you ever been with guys?”  
Okay, that was about the _last_ thing he was expecting to hear. He shook his head, he didn’t feel like discussing that one. “I drinks de fifth.”  
“Huh? Oh, you mean only when you were drunk?”  
“No, de commandsment t’ing where you don’ts talk, drinks de fifth.”

Nathan couldn’t help laughing himself when he sorted that one out. “ _Pleads_ the fifth, not drinks.”  
“Pfft, I rather drinks it. Pleads ams dildos.”  
“Your way makes more sense. But could you just answer anyway?”  
“Maybies.” Seeing Nathan was going to keep pushing, he held up a hand. “I’s not tellings you any mores, dat’s as close as you gets, jus’ maybies. Why ams you asksing me dis shit anyways?”

“Because I’m thinking about dating a guy, but I don’t know what it’s like!”  
This just kept getting weirder. “Oh. Well if you ams wantsing to fucks guys, jus’ does it? You knows, gets a guy sluts instead of a ladies? You don’t has to actualies dates dem.”  
“I don’t want to fuck guys! At least I don’t think I do. Maybe I do? I haven’t really thought about that part.”  
“Well maybies you shoulds be t’inking abouts it?” What was there to do anyway, if not fucking? That was the whole point in life, at least as far as he was concerned.

“I just want to know what it’s like to date a guy!”  
“Nathan, maybe you has never notices dis, but I don’ts date? Like evers? I jus’ fucks a lots.” How could anybody possibly think he was some kind of dating guru?  
“Oh. Yeah I know, but I guess I just thought...”  
“You t’inks because I ams a huge sluts dat I won’ts be judging you? Well you gots dat much right, I don’ts really care.”

“I guess it’s good you don’t care. I just wanted to know... I don’t even know what I want to know, I guess. This is hard!”  
Poor Nathan, Skwisgaar tried to helpfully change the subject. “Hey I’s gots some ideas for de new song, you wants to hear?”  
“Uh, not right now? And besides, we need Pickles here too when we decide shit.”

“Okays, well sorries I don’ts gots no advice for yous.”   
“Skwisgaar, don’t tell anybody, okay?” He looked so worried.  
“Ja, sures,” he waved off the concern. “Don’ts be worries.”  
“So... good talk? I’m gonna go to bed I guess.” Nathan got up and walked out.

Skwisgaar debated picking his guitar back up and continuing to work, but the interruption had kind of killed the momentum.  
He decided to go to bed too, but not alone. He’d throw them out later, but a few ladies would be a nice way to end the evening.  
Skwisgaar made the call and headed to his room.

Nathan, dating a man? It was a little hard to believe.  
Dating anybody could be bad, if they caused problems with the band. He’s seen it happen so many times over the years.  
And then he was at his room, his ladies converged on, him and all was forgotten.


	4. Toki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Toki is unpredictable and Nathan doesn’t want to get tasered again.

Toki had been playing DDR, he was doing well so he didn’t want to stop even though he knew that the others were slowly disappearing behind him. He just hoped they didn’t turn off the lights, it looked like he might be able to beat his high score and he couldn’t stop now.  
Five minutes and countless steps later, he did it! Only by three points, but it was still a win!  
Game over, Toki stepped back with a triumphant grin.

He grabbed his nearby bottle of water and drained it, then crumpled the plastic bottle and threw it at the machine “Takes that, I wins!” He’d only beaten himself, but it still counted.  
Of course it just bounced off and landed on the floor, but that was okay, somebody would come along and pick it up.  
Then he heard a voice behind him. “Hey.”

Toki whirled around, surprised to find Nathan was still there, still sitting on the couch. “Oh hi’s Nathan, I thought you lefts with everybodies else.”  
“No, I wanted to talk to you about something. You know, alone?”  
Toki flopped down on the couch beside him, sprawling a bit and still panting. “Okays?”

“What would you think if I dated someone... different?”  
“Differents? You means like retardsed?” Toki cocked his head.  
“No! I mean... like, if I dated a guy?”

“Oh. Okays, if you wants to.”   
"That’s it? You’re not gonna freak out or anything?”  
“If that’s what you wants to does, then go does it.” Toki shrugged as well as he was able in his current slumped position. “Why woulds I freaks out?”

Nathan was staring at him like that was a dumb question. “Uh, because it’s pretty gay?”  
“I guesses so. But I don’ts see why that’s got to matters.” Having been brought up to believe _everything_ was bad, Toki had flipped the opposite way and decided that nothing was.  
“Well most people think it matters!” Nathan seemed upset that he _wasn’t_ upset, weird as that was. “Huh.”

“You gots somebody in minds?” Toki shifted, straightening up a bit and getting interested in the conversation. He was a little surprised that Nathan had chosen him to discuss this with, but it made him feel like his opinion mattered.  
“Uh, kind of?”  
“Well, does he likes guys?”  
“I have no idea. You’re not even asking me why?”

Toki shrugged again. “Goils is crazy, I figures you just gets tired of the crazy.”  
“Yeah, and all the stupid bullshit they want you to do! Like go to Bed Bath & Beyond, why can’t they just go by themselves? Why would I want to look at pillows and crap? And they get all mad if you want to watch football.”  
“Some of the stuffs they wants to does ams fun. I dids that cookings class with one of your dates.”

Nathan frowned, trying to remember which girl that had been. He couldn’t remember her name, he hadn’t dated any of them twice. “I guess you probably got more action there than I did?”  
“Noes, we just takes a class togethers. I didn’ts even gets to kisses her.”  
“She was my date, you weren’t supposed to kiss her!”  
“But I would has. Don’ts gets mad, I already says I didn’ts!” Toki scooted back a bit just to be safe.

“Calm down, I’m not gonna hit you or anything.”  
Toki narrowed his eyes. “Good. Because I don’ts likes that.”  
“I’m more worried about what you might do to me!”  
“What’s you means?”

“Toki, you’re a little scary sometimes. I mean, that’s metal, but still. Like that time at the Snakes N’ Barrels show where you kinda, you know, killed that dude.”  
What did that have to do with anything? He barely remembered any of it anyway, it was mostly just missing time, except bloody. “I really don’ts care if you dates a guy if that’s what you’s still askings.”  
“You _really_ don’t care? You’re not just saying that?”  
“I says noes.”

“So you wouldn’t club me in my sleep and tie me up and taser me again? And threaten me with a crossbow?”  
“Nots unless you neededs it. And I never actually shoots you with that thing anyways.” Hey, _somebody_ had to do that part, and the others hadn’t wanted to.  
“Toki!”  
“Whats?! It was for you’s own goods! You was actings all fucks up, we had to does something!”

“Well Rebecca was trying to change me! And it sucked!”  
Toki shrugged. “The others one wasn’ts much betters.”  
“Trindle, yeah. She didn’t want to change me, she really liked me. And she had great tits. But she was really crazy, and a cheater, and she tried to kill us all. That part sucked.”  
“Maybe you better has Charles checks out this guy befores you even asks him out?”

Nathan laughed. “No, but that would be pretty funny, if we kept making him do security checks every time we get laid! You know, ‘Hey Charles, I wanna bone this chick, tell me if she’s crazy!’ He would really hate us, if he doesn’t already.”  
“I’s pretty sure he don’ts hates us.”  
“Yeah, I don’t think so either.”

“I’m worried what people would think. About me, I mean.”  
Toki rolled his eyes. “You’s Nathan Fucking Explosion, who gives a fucks what they thinks?! If you tells them to go fucks themselfs, they finds a way to does it.”  
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. Fuck them! They can go die if they don’t like it.” He smiled at that.  
Toki returned the grin. “Fucks them!”

“Toki, but seriously, don’t tell anybody, okay?” He was back in serious mode.  
“Okays.” He shrugged, not seeing the point. If Nathan started dating a guy, they’d all notice. Maybe he just meant until then? “I really really needs a showers, so I’s going to go does that now.”  
Leaving Nathan where he was, Toki got up and headed for his room. So Nathan wanted to date a guy? Well that would be different.


	5. Murderface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knows Murderface is the most likely to throw a fit, due to his homophobia, so he saved him for last.

Murderface was in his room. He’d been debating calling around the escort services again, but his stupid speech impediment made it impossible for him to disguise his voice and none of them would take his calls anymore. _One_ dead hooker, but word had gotten around and they just cut him off! It hadn’t even been his fault, people with allergies were supposed to wear those medic alert bracelets! It was bullshit.

He was about to settle down with ‘Two Soldiers, One Slut’, a new Civil War themed amputee porno, when there was a knock at his door. “Jeezch, now I’m even getting cock blocked for porn.” But he got up and answered the door anyway.  
It was Nathan. He looked nervous. Murderface was confused, because he couldn’t even remember the last time Nathan had sought him out. “Come in, I geussch, it’sch not like I wasch about to jack off or anything.”

Now Nathan looked guilty. “You... Uh, I can come back later?”  
“No, thisch pretty much killed the mood. Might asch well come in.” Murderface waved him in.  
Nathan seemed to survey his seating options, then chose to sit on the edge of the desk. “I wanna know how you feel about something, but I kinda don’t want to even ask.”  
“Schince when do we talk about _feelingsch_? That’sch gay.” Murderface pulled his chair back a bit and sat.

“I’m thinking about dating again, okay?”  
“Scho? Did you come down here juscht to rub it in? It’sch not like _I_ want to be able to date or anything...”  
“God, Murderface, please stop talking. Just stop. It’s not my fault chicks find you repulsive, and-“  
“Hey!” Murderface was ready to defend his imagined attractiveness.

“I said shut up! And that’s not what I’m talking about anyway! It’s not always about you!”  
“It’sch never about me, thanksch for rubbing it in. Maybe I schould juscht kill myschelf, how-”  
“I’m gonna date a guy! There, I said it.”  
Murderface just stared in shock. Then he stuck his fingers in his ears, twisting them. “Okay, I think I had schomething in my earsch, becausche it schounded like you juscht schaid you were gay.”

“I’m not gay! I like chicks, so I can’t be gay! That’s not how it works.”  
“Scho you’re bischectual then?”  
“I don’t know! Maybe? Why does it even matter?”  
“It mattersch if you’re going to bring your _boyfriend_ around where we all have to schee him! That’sch grossch.”

“Nobody would be forcing you to watch!”   
“You act like I’d want to watch, are you... Are you calling _me_ gay?”  
“No. Even if you are.” After hearing Murderface complain about his gay crisis a while back, they’d all had their doubts. The common assumption in the band was that he couldn’t just manage to pick up guys either.

Unfortunately, Murderface was on a roll now. “Plenty of guysch think I’m schexy!”  
“Yeah, you.”  
“I happen to know that guysch have jacked off to my photosch online!”  
“Uh, you.”

“Schome guysch have came all over themschelvesch juscht from _looking_ at thosche!”  
“Still you.”  
“And that guy waschn’t me!”  
“Except it was.”

“If I wanted to date guysch, they’d be lining up! I keep having to tell them, schorry, thisch is all for the ladiesch! Ladiesch only!”  
“Just stop.”  
“Yep, juscht for the ladiesch! Move along!”  
“Seriously, please stop.”

“If anybody’sch going to date guysch around here, it’sch not going to be me!”  
“Look, I was just telling you! That’s all!”  
“Becausche _I’m_ not gay! You’re obviouschly confusching me with schomebody gay, but that’sch not me! Not thisch guy!” He could go on forever, if that’s how long it took.

“Look, just don’t tell anybody about this, okay? I’m serious!” Nathan stood up, using his height to loom menacingly.  
“You act like I can’t be truschted! That hurtsch my feelingsch!”  
“Yes or no, Murderface?”  
“Fine, I won’t schay anything. Jeezch! You don’t even truscht your own bassch player...”  
Nathan walked out before he could get going on _that_ subject.


	6. Everybody Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guys get together and realize Nathan’s been asking them all the same shit. They wonder who the (lucky?) guy might be.

Nathan had a dentist appointment, leaving the others all alone. They were sitting in the hot tub, just having a couple drinks and relaxing. Business as usual.  
Of course, it was Murderface who brought it up. “Scho... Hasch Nathan schaid anything weird to you lately?”  
From their expressions, it was pretty obvious they all knew exactly what he was talking about. That’s all it took, everybody had been dying to say something but thought that nobody else knew.

“Yeah, he hads something to discusses with me.” Toki was disappointed to learn that he hadn’t been special after all, Nathan had probably talked to everyone.  
“Yeah dood, he asked me all kinds of crazy shit.” Pickles felt less weird, knowing now that he wasn’t the only one.  
“Ja me too, but I didn’ts answers like he wants.”

Murderface was clearly feeling free to talk now. “I juscht can’t believe that Nathan is gay!”  
“That’s nots how gay works, Moiderface.” They all knew Nathan liked chicks too, so he couldn’t be gay.  
“Well it’sch closche enough! _Too_ closche for me!”  
“Well yer jest gonna have to git over it, I guess. If thet’s what he wants to do, thet’s what he’s gonna do.” Pickles shrugged, it kinda sucked but didn’t seem worth fighting about.

“He ams kinda of old to be goings through an experimentals phase.” Skwisgaar had run out of things to experiment with many years ago.  
“Maybies he’s just finally feelings comfortables enough to explores this side of himselfs?”  
“You know, Toki, thet’s a pritty good possibility there.”   
“Thisch converschation is making me schick.” Murderface crossed his arms and scowled at them all. They ignored him.

Pickles had been thinking hard. “Oooh, what if it’s Charles? I bet it’s Charles!”  
Everyone tried to process that, with varying degrees of success.  
“Ja, maybies. I t’ink he ams gots a t’ing for Nathan, but maybe jus’ when he ams drunk. Dat was de impressions I got anyways.” He was pretty sure Charles didn’t know he’d seen them, that night he was drunk and flirting with Nathan.  
“Oh boy, I hopes it’s Charles!”

“Toki, why would you schay a thing like that?”  
“Because Charles ams a pretty cool guy, and he woulds hangs out with us more.”  
“If you love him scho much, why don’t _you_ go date him?”  
“Fucks you, Moiderface! What if it’s nots? What if he brings them heres?! What if we gots to hangs out with a strange guy and watches Nathan kisses all overs him?”

“Toki’s gat a point. _Thet_ would be weird.” Pickles tried to picture a stranger in the hot tub with them, he couldn’t manage it.  
“But we ams got no reason to t’ink it ams Charles, nots really. What if it ams one of us?”  
“Schit, Schwisgaar, don’t schay that kind of thing!”  
“But it mights be, ams all I’s saysing.” Hey, it wasn’t like any of them got out much, it made more sense it would be somebody from inside the haus.

“Well it’sch _not_ me! There’sch no way it’sch me. Beschides, everyone knowsch _I’m_ not gay!”  
“Me thinks the dood protests too much.” Pickles pointed in the general direction of Murderface with his beer.  
“Oh, and I schuppose you think it’sch you?”  
Pickles shrugged. “Might be.”

“Pickle, explains why it mights be you, I ams de curious.” Skwisgaar leaned forward, interested.  
“Weeeell... We like to hang out an’ git drunk an’ stuff, and we usually git along rally well. So it could be me.”  
“By dat logic, it ams jus’ as likelies me. He did wants to know if I fucks guys.”  
“Yeah, he asked me about thet too.”

“Well it’sch NOT me, there’sch no way it’sch me!” Murderface was quite certain of this, and no one tried to tell him otherwise.  
“It’s probablies not me eithers.”  
“Why not, Toki?”   
“Ja, whys not?”

“No reasons it woulds be.” He shrugged. “He don’ts pal arounds with me like he does with you guys, I don’ts even writes the music. And beisdes, he didn’ts asks me if I fucks guys.”  
“He didn’t aschk _me_ that either!”  
“We all knows dat you secretlies fucks de guys, Murderface.” Sometimes Skwisgaar just couldn’t resist such an easy target.  
“I DO NOT!”

Charles happened walk in and caught the end of that. “I see you’re discussing Nathan?”  
“Dood, you know too?”  
“Yes, I’m aware of the situation. Is everybody okay with the idea? I believe ah, Facebones has a presentation on the subject if you’d like him to explain things to you.”  
“Dood, I _do nawt_ wanna know why Facebones has a thing fer thet.”

“Very well, Pickles.” For some strange reason Charles looked disappointed. “Anyone else?”  
“I don’t need a preschentation about being gay! Becausche _I’m_ not gay!”  
“Eh, no t’anks.”  
“Okays, I passes too.” Toki wouldn’t have really minded, but wasn’t going to watch it all by himself.

“Very well,” Charles repeated, and turned to leave.  
“We thinks it mights be you!” Toki couldn’t suppress the words.  
“I, ah, hadn’t considered that possibility.” Charles paused, looking disturbed yet thoughtful. “Can I ask why?”  
“Well, he exaggerated a liddle bit. We think if it’s one of us, it’s most likely you, me, or Skwisgaar.”

Charles surveyed them all, this didn’t seem to be a joke. “Hmm, well that’s something to think about. I’ll be in my office if you need me.” He turned again to leave.  
“Dood, it’s 11 o’clawk. Take a feckin’ break.”  
“I said I’ll be in my office.” Charles headed off to deal with this possible revelation in private.  
They watched him, go, waiting until he was out of sight to resume their discussion.

“Well Pickle, what if Nathan ams wantsing to be fucksing us? We shoulds probablies be t’inking about dis.”  
“Dood, why do you _wanna_ think about it?”  
Skwisgaar shrugged. “Ams always best to be prepares?”  
“Yeah you’s both thinks abouts it!” Toki jumped in.

“Stops copies me.”  
“I’s not copings you, I’s agreeings!”   
“I refusche to think about it!” Murderface wasn’t about to be left out here.  
“Ja so whats, we all know it amns’t you, Murderface.”  
“BECAUSCHE I’M NOT GAY! Schometimes I think I’m the only schtraight perschon in thisch band!”

Toki was apparently thinking on the situation. “Whats if it’s not us? Whats if it’s somebodies totalies random? He does still gots that datings profile, I thinks.”  
“Can we change the schubject here? All this gay schtuff is making me schick!”  
Skwisgaar shrugged. “Ja, not’ing we can be doesing abouts it, I guess.” He studied his beer bottle thoughtfully. “Shoulds we buys some bananas?”  
“Dood, _no_. Jest no.”

“Whats bananas gots to does with anything? You means bananas stickers?” They still had a bunch of those, somewhere.  
"No, little Toki, dey’s goods for practicing de blowjobs. At least dat’s what I hears.”  
“That’s a terribles idea! Bananas breaks easy, and then you chokes and dies, and then everybody knows you dies while pretendings to sucks a dick!”  
Pickles cracked up. “No, you don’t peel it ferst!”

“Jeezch, schtop talking about schucking dick! You’re gonna make me blow my lunch.”  
They all died laughing at his unfortunate choice of words, Pickles so uncontrollably that he went under and Skwisgaar had to reach over and fish him back up.  
“Oh gawd dood, an’ you wouldn’t even eat a hawtdog!”  
“I schtill won’t! What’sch that got to do with....” He slowly realized just what he’d said. “Schrew you guysch!” In a typical Murderface fashion, he got out and stomped out of the room.

Pickles finally pulled himself together. “Well _thet_ was werth it! An’ we didn’t even have to do anything.”  
“Poor Murderface, I ams pretty sures we ams goings to be offerings him a lots more dick shapes foods agains now.”  
“He had his chance, he blew it! I rally hope Nathan doesn’t pick him, because thet will _nawt_ end well.”  
Skwisgaar just shrugged, he thought it was pretty unlikely that Murderface would be the one.

“I knows! We shoulds gets a reallies gay card and signs it ‘loves, Nathan’ and gives it to him !”  
“No, Toki, Thet’s a rally bad idea!”  
“Whys?”  
“Because Nathan would kill us.”  
“Oh.”  
“Ja he woulds, you gots to t’inks aheads about dese t’ings.”

Pickles slumped lower, using the edge of the hot tub as a headrest. “It’s prahbly nawt even one of us, we’re prahbly jest worrying ‘bout nothing. I mean, he tawlked to all of us, but he didn’t ask any of us out.”  
“Yeah that’s weirds, why wouldn’t he just asks?”  
“Pfft. Maybe it ams all a bigs joke? Maybe a tests to see if we tells anybody?”  
“Oh shit, Skwisgaar, thet could be it! An’ we failed, we all tawlked!”

“Whats if we all promises to not talks about that we talks?”  
“Toki, yer a genius! Thet could werk!”  
“Ja, excepts for de part wheres we already really fails at dis.” Skwisgaar just had to point that out.  
Pickles sighed. “Well, nothin’ we can do ‘bout it anyway, an’ I guess we’ll find out soon. One way or the other.”


	7. Dating a Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan finally asks the guy out, and you finally get to see who the fuck it is. And they go on a date and discuss things, and do some date stuff.  
> This is the long one, because well, the suspense ends now so there’s nothing left for me to draw out. For the record, I didn’t really plan this part. I just set it up and waited to see what they’d do, and this is what they did.

Reactions from the band had been reasonably positive, or at least better than expected, so Nathan was feeling pretty confident that it was okay to ask a certain guy out. And nervous too, because what if he said no? Then what?  
What if he didn’t _just_ say no, what if he laughed? That would be even worse.  
What if... There were just endless ‘what ifs’ here.

He’d been waiting for a good opportunity, after coming this far he felt he had no choice but to go through with it. They were all expecting it, he never should have said anything in the first place because backing out seemed like a pretty good option right now. But he couldn’t because they knew, so they’d know if he didn’t.  
Unable to sleep, Nathan walked into the kitchen and practically right into the very person he’d been wanting to ask out.  
Not an ideal situation by far, but here was a chance. Nobody else around? He looked, the coast was indeed clear.

Funny, he’d come down to just to hunt for chips (they were hiding them from him again, for his own good, they said) and walked right into a perfect opportunity.  
Except this wasn’t like anything he’d tried to imagine, grungy, half drunk, and barefoot in the kitchen late at night wasn’t how you were supposed to ask somebody out, you were supposed to... He was pretty sure you were supposed to look nice. Or at least look clean? Probably sober too.  
Still, this was an opportunity he really shouldn’t pass up. Yeah, the alcohol was probably making him braver, it did that.  
Nathan took a big breath and made his move.

“Hey. Will you go on a date with me?”  
Toki looked up from the bowl of whatever the fuck that was he was eating and cocked his head, confused. “Whats about thats guy you was goings to ask, dids he says no?”  
“Uh, there wasn’t another guy. I was talking about you.” There, he’d said it!  
Toki didn’t look at all convinced. “Oh, we thoughts it was Charles. Or maybies Skwisgaar or Pickle.”

“Why were you- Never mind. No, it was always you. That I was thinking about, I mean.” The ‘being sober’ part? That was wrong, on second thought he was probably _too_ sober for this. Nathan stepped over to the fridge and grabbed another beer, twisting off the cap and flicking it randomly toward the corner. He drained it in one long drink and grabbed another.  
“Well this is unexpecteds. We rules out me and Moiderface.”  
“Look, will you go out with me or not? Just answer?”  
“Oh.” Toki shrugged. “Okays I guesses so.”

On closer inspection, Toki appeared to be eating ice cream with gummy bears mixed in. Considering their size, Nathan suspected they were drunken gummy bears. It almost looked good, except everything was surely sugar free, that kind of ruined it. Besides, chewing your booze was just too much trouble.  
Nathan sat across from him, drinking his beer. “So you’ll go? Just like that?”  
“Sure why nots. I don’ts has to gets dressed up, does I?”  
“Nah, just wear your hat. I’ll wear mine too. Do you want to go to a real restaurant, or something like pizza?”  
“Pizza! So whens we doesing this?”

Nathan considered, well no point wasting time? “Uh, tomorrow night?”  
“Okays.” Toki grinned, and went back to eating his bowl of creamy frozen fuckedupness.  
Nathan couldn’t think of anything else to say right now. That might be a bad sign? Well this part wasn’t a date, or at least he was pretty sure it didn’t count, so maybe it didn’t matter yet? “Uh.... I’m going to bed?”  
“Okays.” Toki waved bye.

*****

The next night they were at a local pizza place. It wasn’t fancy at all, you even had to pick up your food at th counter and they didn’t even serve beer, but they had pretty awesome pizzas and that made up for a lot. They were sharing a pepperoni one, Toki had considered getting anchovies on half but decided that would be a bad idea since this was a date. A lot of people didn’t like odd smelly little fishes like he did.  
They sat across from each other, both ignoring the provided plates and eating directly from the pan.

“This ams weird, just us.”  
“What do you mean?” Nathan was worried, was he doing this all wrong?  
Toki waved off th obvious concern. “Noes, I means when we’s all heres, we’s fuckings with each others. Likes how I puts hot flakes on Skweisgaar’s pizza when he’s not lookings because it’s funnies, and we tell Moiderface to stops checking out dudes.”  
“Ha, yeah! And he stares at his plate the whole time to prove he’s not looking at dudes! He’s too easy. And Pickles is always high and we have to tell them he has some medical condition.”

Ice thoroughly broken, Toki had been wondering something. “Nathan, whys me?”  
“Huh?” Sudden subject changes were not his forte at all.  
“Whys you picks me? You knows, to dates?”  
“Oh. You just made sense when I thought about it.” Nathan shrugged.

“Well maybe you can tells me because I’s real confused.”  
“If you don’t want to do this, we can just go home!”  
Toki rolled his eyes. “I don’ts wants to goes home. I’s just askings you to explains why you picks me. I wants to know.”  
“Uh... Well remember when you were dating that shaved gorilla chick? By the way I think that might have been a man, I just didn’t want to say anything.”

Toki shuddered. “Nopes, nots a man. I’s seen her... I don’ts want to talks about it, okays? Thanks for bringings that up. And I still don’ts understand why you asks me out.” How much clearer could he make this?  
“Because you want a relationship too! The rest of them, all they want is to get laid, you know? And that’s awesome, I love getting laid, but I like the other stuff too and... That part isn’t going so well.”  
“Oh.” Toki chewed his pizza thinking it over. “Yeah, makes sense, in a ways.”

They worked their way through the rest of the pizza, both thinking a lot.  
This was a bit awkward, just the two of them. Pickles and Murderface were the talkative ones, the ones who usually kept some form of conversation going.  
Well, that was it for the pizza. Now what did they do? Dating was hard!  
Nathan noticed Toki looking at him strangely. “What?”

“Let’s go somewheres else, I knows a place.”  
“What’s wrong with here? Nobody knows who we are.” Hats were _awesome_ disguises, and they’d bought food so they weren’t going to be thrown out.  
“I’s pretty sure they might has a problem if we starts like kissings and stuff. We needs to go someplace where they don’ts care.”  
“You mean a gay bar. You’re talking about a gay bar, aren’t you? Why do you even know where one is? Wait, we’re gonna _kiss_?”

Toki laughed. “Yeah, I goes sometimes, it’s funs! It’s just really differents. And maybies we should just tries it, rights?”  
“Ugh. You’ve been picking up guys all this time? And I was worried about asking you out!” They’d all thought Toki might be gay at some point, but none of them _really_ thought it...  
“Noes, I don’ts picks up guys! I gets all the free drinks I wants though, because I’s real cute!”  
That actually explained a lot. “You’re too cute for your own good!” Nathan gave in. “Fine, okay let’s go, but nobody better hit on me!”

*****

Just inside the door, Nathan froze in horror, staring at the bright colors and scantily dressed men. There were also plenty of guys in normal clothes, and a good number of chicks too, but it was still _really_ gay. Which was the point, of course, but he didn’t have to like it. The music, if this horrible stuff could be called that, was way too loud!  
Toki stood on tiptoe to talk into Nathan’s ear. “Let’s gets a booth in the backs! I think you handles that better!”  
Still in a state of shock, Nathan let Toki lead him (unfortunately) _through_ the dance floor and back to a darker corner against the wall. It was a lot quieter back here. He slid in, glad to have a wall at his back in this place, and Toki slid in beside him. Not across from him, _beside_ him.

Nathan’s first instinct was to protest that this was too gay, sitting like this, but that’s why they’d come here. To do gay stuff, whatever that was exactly. Hopefully not dancing. No, he decided, he wasn’t going to dance no matter what. That would just be too much. And it wasn’t metal! Half those people looked like the 80's threw up on them, the _colors_ , ugh. And the music was just horrible, and you couldn’t even compare it to something like dying cats because that would make it kind of metal, and it wasn’t metal at all!  
Toki was silent, just watching him.

Pretty soon a waitress came over, she was really cute and had big tits, but she worked here so she was probably gay, and he was on a date anyway, so... Yeah. Don’t flirt with the waitress.  
Toki ordered them two pitchers, that way they’d be good for a while. She came right back with them, and two mugs as well, then left then alone.  
She didn’t seem to recognize them, and didn’t act like there was anything profoundly strange going on here at all. That was slightly reassuring, but only slightly.  
Toki took charge and poured them both beers.

Still traumatized by his surroundings, Nathan kept surveying the room. “What if, uh...” He tested the table, it seemed to be bolted down.  
“Relaxes!” Toki pointed to the far corner. “See those guys? They’s gears, they’s here to makes sure nobody fucks with us.”  
“We have gay Klokateers?”  
“I don’ts know? Probablies a few, but these ams just here to protects us.”  
“So they’re not gay?”  
Toki shrugged. “Coulds be, I got’s no idea.” He knew who they were, even unhooded, but had never talked to them.

Toki scooted closer, leaning against Nathan and putting a hand on his leg, but low down toward the knee.  
Nathan tensed at first, but nobody was paying any attention to them and this wasn’t bad. Kind of nice, in a way? He had no idea what he should do, was he supposed to put his hand on Toki’s leg now? Or hold his hand maybe? Dating a guy was supposed to be _less_ confusing!  
Deciding there was probably no “correct” answer here, Nathan chose to just lean into it a bit and keep his hands to himself. This wasn’t so bad, as long as nobody seemed to be watching them.

They sat quite comfortably that way for a few minutes, just drinking, until Toki opened his mouth again. “I just don’ts know if I could fucks you.”  
Nathan spit a mouthful of beer across the table and jumped as far away as the booth would allow, which wasn’t very far. “Shit, Toki!”  
“Well I’s been thinking abouts it! I likes you, but I likes fuckings goils.”  
“I like fucking girls too!” He watched Toki warily, still pressed against the wall. “I’m not really sure I want to put my dick in you, no offense.”

“But I thought I woulds be the one doesing _you_ ,” Toki managed to say with completely fake innocence, smiling sweetly over at Nathan.  
Nathan just stared, obviously going into panic mode but trapped in the booth by Toki and the table with nowhere to go.  
“Calms down, I’s just fuckings with you! Don’ts kill me for that! But I don’ts thinks I wants you to fucks me either.”  
Nathan snorted, then drained his beer. He needed more alcohol, a lot more.

There was plenty for refills, so Toki poured Nathan a new beer and topped off his own. He knew from experience that the gears were watching and would send the waitress when they ran out. Toki patted the seat. “Gets back overs here.”  
Nathan edged back closer, until their shoulders were again touching. This was all harder than he’d thought it would be, against everyone’s advice he hadn’t really thought about actually _doing_ stuff with a guy. With Toki.

Toki snuggled back against his arm. “So what kinds of stuff’s we goings to does? I means, where in between fuckings and just pallings around?”  
“What do you mean?” Weren’t they doing stuff now? Kinda? He was in a fucking gay bar, surely this had to count!  
Toki sighed. “Well if we just hangs out, nothing’s differents. If we ams datings, then we should does stuff.”  
“I don’t know!” This was really hard! Why was it so hard?

Toki made a small “mfft” noise and cocked his head. He seemed to be staring into Nathan’s lap? Nathan nudged him with an elbow. “Hey. What are you doing?”  
“Tryings to think about suckings your dick.”  
“Oh.” Nathan automatically flinched a little away, but tried to stay cool. “Uh, so how’s that going?”  
“Nots very good, to be honests.” He sighed. “I don’t think I wants to even tries it, is that bads?”

It was actually kind of a relief. “No, it’s okay.” Now he was thinking about all this too, _ugh_. Skwisgaar and Pickles were right, he really should have thought about this part long before, like _first_ , instead of just thinking how there would be less bullshit. If sitting in a gay bar counted as less bullshit? He wasn’t sure.  
At least Toki wasn’t staring at his crotch anymore.  
Nathan drained his beer and refilled it.

Toki made a decision. Turning his hat backwards, he grabbed Nathan by a handful of hair and reeled him closer. “Kiss me.”  
Nathan automatically pulled back, but the hair hold hurt. Trapped, he rolled his eyes. “Uh, why?”  
“Mights as well tries it, right? That’s why we originallies comes here, so we can tries stuff, even if we don’ts wants to does nothing else.”  
That actually made sense, so Nathan let himself be pulled closer.

Toki kissed him, their mouths working together. His moustache tickled, that was distracting. Really distracting. When Toki’s tongue slipped into his mouth, Nathan automatically met it with his own. This was... well, different. Very different.  
They broke the kiss, Toki sitting back and licking his lips with an odd expression. “Well you don’ts kiss like a goil.”  
“I’m not a girl!”  
“Yeah, me neithers.”

“I don’t know if I liked that.” Nathan frowned down at the table. It wasn’t _bad_ , but...  
“I don’ts really knows either.” Toki snuggled back against Nathan’s side. “I knows I likes this part though!”  
“Maybe if you shaved? It uh, tickles. Your moustache I mean.”  
“Nots goings to happen. Maybe you can gets used to it?”

Nathan sighed, thinking. “Maybe. Hey, let’s try it again now that we know what to expect?”  
“Okays!” Toki leaned back in, but let Nathan take charge this time.  
Nathan started slow, lips closed, but soon ventured past them. Toki didn’t taste like anything but beer with a hint of pizza, that was fine, but his whole technique, everything about the way he kissed, was foreign. This wasn’t like chicks who tried to suck on his tongue like they wanted to rip it out, or do all kinds of crazy tongue gymnastics, Toki kissed with smooth, firm pressure.  
Finally, they broke the kiss.

“Fuck!” Nathan stared holes through the table, feeling like he should be embarrassed.. “I think I kinda liked that. I still don’t want to, you know, fuck you or anything, but that was pretty okay.”  
“I likes it too. Don’ts wants to fucks you eithers.”  
“Maybe we could... Maybe we could just kiss sometimes? And maybe... Ugh, I feel so lame for saying this! Fuck it. And... and maybe, like... cuddle?” He finally put his arm around Toki, they were in a fucking gay bar and they’d been kissing so it was no big deal. Right?

“Okays!” Toki happily snuggled closer, wrapping his arms around Nathan. “Wowee you’s big! I likes it though, you’s likes a big warms Deddybear.” He grinned up at him. “So Nathan, how does this works?”  
“What do you mean?” What was wrong with how it was working right now? This seemed pretty okay. ...Did Toki really just compare him to a stuffed animal?  
“I just thinks it would be kinds of weird if we’s kissing and stuff in fronts of the other guys?”  
“So you’re ashamed to be with me? Or something?” Nathan was confused. Should he be offended?

“Noes, you’re taking this wrongs!” Toki made a thinking face, trying to figure out a way to explain what he meant. “Whats if... Okays, imagines we’s all sittings in the hot tub and then all the suddens Skwisgaar and Pickle starts makings out.”  
“That would be really weird!”  
“Yeah! So if we does it, it would be wierds for _them_ , you gets it now?”  
“Hmm. Yeah.” He’d been too worried about his own feelings to think about everyone else’s.

The waitress came back bearing more beer, then promptly left. Nathan grabbed the pitcher and poured them more. Something occurred to him. “Hey Toki, did you tell anyone we were going out tonight?”  
“Noes?”  
“Me neither. Maybe we could... like, not even mention it? If we’re not going to do anything in front of them anyway?” That would be an easy out, or maybe he could say he tried it (and not say who) and that he didn’t care for it?

“Oh, so you’s ashameds of _me_ nows?” But he was smiling.  
“No! I mean, no I’m not. I’m just not good at talking about feelings and shit. You know, _explaining_ things. Ugh.”  
Toki shrugged. “Okays with me. We talks about it, that maybe you was just testings us and you wasn’t goings to dates anybodies at all.”  
“That’s pretty good.” Then the words finished registering. “Wait, you all talked about me? After I asked everybody not to?!”  
“Oops?” Toki did his best to look cute. He’d mentioned that before, but it must not have really registered at the time.

Nathan sighed. “I’d have done it too, so I can’t even be mad. I was just trying to keep it, you know, _private_.”  
“Hows you keeps it private by tellings everyone?”  
“I said I’m not good at this!”  
“You’s pretty bads at it, actuallies. That’s okays though.”

They sipped their beers, both feeling the alcohol a little but nowhere near really drunk. That was the problem with drinking as excessively as they all did, tolerance. And they were only drinking beer, drunk took a LOT of beer.  
Toki had a question. “So Nathan, can I sleeps in you’s bed sometimes?”  
“Uh, why?”  
“Because you won’ts fits in mine, you’s too big. And you saids we can snuggles!”

“Yeah, I guess so? If you want to?” In bed together? Would that be weird? It might be weird.  
“Let’s goes!” Toki was all smiles and enthusiasm, impossible to say no to.  
“Wait, don’t we have to pay first?”  
“The gears does it, we can just leaves.”  
Oh, well if that was all... Dates were supposed to end in bed, right? Or was that just sluts? Nathan shook his head, trying to banish all the stupid questions. “Okay, let’s go.”

*****

Home, in his room, Nathan was uncertain again. “This might be weird, but I uh, usually sleep in my underwear.”  
“So does I.”   
Toki was already stripping, so Nathan joined him. “I’m not the little spoon!” At least they weren’t undressing each other, that would be just too strange.  
“How coulds you be littles when you’s big?” Toki continued before Nathan could explain. “I gets it, I’s just messings with you! We don’ts gots to be spoons, we can just snuggles.”

That didn’t sound too bad. “Okay, as long as you don’t call me a Deddybear again!”  
Toki snickered but made no promises.  
They climbed into bed. Nathan lay on his back in the middle, as always, and Toki lay on his side against him, between his arm and body kind of like a girl would, with his head on his chest and one leg bent over top of Nathan’s.  
Then Toki decided to pet Nathan’s sparse chest hair, which was a little weird. At least he wasn’t rubbing his face in it or anything.

“Does this count as spooning?”  
“I don’ts know, feels more likes a foirk and a knifes to me.”  
Nathan thought about that one, visualizing it. “Huh. Well I guess that’s okay then, especially since I’m the knife.”  
Toki had a sudden gigglefit. “...Nathan?”  
“What?”  
“I’s foirkings you.”

“Goddamnit, Toki!” Nathan tried to roll away, but Toki was a clingy little fucker. He gave up quickly, it _was_ a pretty good joke. He still wasn’t sure he was okay with this. “Ugh, this is pretty not metal though.”  
“It’s metal if you says it is! You makes everythings metal.”  
“Yeah? Well then, THIS IS SO FUCKING METAL! There, that was easy!” Strange, that actually made him feel better about it all. He really _could_ make anything metal!

Still snuggled tight, Toki had a question. “Why’s you don’ts want to tells anybody?”  
“Do you? I mean, do you want to tell them?”  
Toki shrugged as well as he could in his current position. “I don’ts reallies care either ways, just wonderings why you’s reasons are.”  
“Because they’ll make a big deal out if it! And... I don’t know, I just don’t want them fucking with me about it. That would make this... I’m not good at expressing myself!”  
“Okays! I just wanteds to know. I think I understands what you means.”

“But I went and kinda told them all, so I have to tell them something!” _Why_ had he told them? Why?!  
“Well maybe tells them it was some guy onlines, but he was just a fans and it really sucked, and he don’ts even had tits?”  
“You don’t have tits.”  
“If you wanteds tits, you should have asks Moiderface.”  
“Ugh, NO. But that might work. What about you, where do they think you went tonight?” Somebody would put it together, sometimes they were smarter than he wished they were.

That was an easy one. “Astronaut lessons.”  
“But I thought those were only on Thursdays?”  
“Oh I can does it any days.”  
“That’s cool! I wish all lesson stuff was like that, where you could just go when you felt like it.”  
Toki just chuckled. Of course he’d never taken an astronaut lesson in his life, but they never seemed to catch on.

“You know, this is pretty good. I mean, you don’t expect anything from me and all that.”  
“Oh I expects a littles.” Toki pushed himself up and gave Nathan a brief kiss before settling back how he had been.  
“Uh, did you lie to get me in bed and now you want stuff? What stuff? Like, _sex stuff_?” This was worrisome.  
“Oh relaxes. I just means I expects I gets to sleeps here all nights, and that I gets to does it again another times too.”  
“Oh. Yeah, that’s cool. I’m okay with that.”

“Nathan?”  
“What?”  
“I’s real tireds, I’s going to goes to sleeps now.” Toki turned, curling on his other side with his back pressed against Nathan. He made a happy little sound and snuggled down a bit more. He was now using Nathan’s arm for a pillow, for as long as he could. “God natt, Nathan.”

Nathan wasn’t sure if that had been in English or not, it sounded too close to tell. Well, with Toki’s accent anyway. Now what? Should he try some spooning? You were supposed to, right? He thought he was okay with it as long as he got to be the big spoon. Nathan decided to try it and turned, curling around Toki’s body... and ended up with a face full of hair.  
Spitting out hair, he realized that some things weren’t any different after all. He felt, more than heard, Toki’s soft laugh.  
“Sleeps howevers you wants, Nathan.” He knew exactly what had happened, he’d been there himself. He did reach up and twist his hair together, just in case Nathan wanted to try again.

Typically a back sleeper, Nathan decided that was just how it was going to be, as long as Toki was cool with it. And he apparently was, he seemed perfectly happy to be curled against his side like a fucking cat or something. Comfortable, no pressure.  
Nathan stretched out and closed his eyes, he was tired too. This hadn’t turned out like he’d maybe expected, but this was good. This was probably better.  
His arm was probably going to fall asleep from Toki using it for a pillow, but as long as he fell asleep first it didn’t even matter. He was glad they’d agreed not to tell the others, he didn’t want to share this.   
Happily, he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
